Red Flag! He doesn’t really listen…part 1

Now I cannot make any of my Red Flags #1 on my list because I think that it depends on the individual. Some Red Flags are bright fiery red and you know “You Are Getting Burned Girl!” Then others may just be a blush of pink with a slow spreading red stain the more you spend time interacting with the individual.

Listening happens to be a big on my list. See I know men know we are listening…they even use our listening to their advantage at times sending us subtle messages that we know link up to bigger things...but if I go there I will be making this complicated and I am getting a little off course here. Maybe I will come back to this sometime.


So you know they aren’t listening when you are on the phone with them and they keep saying hold on a second, and then you hear the sound of rattling static in your ear. “Sorry” they apologize a few seconds later. “I had to send off a text.” Okay so maybe once in a while...like four times a month this may not bother me. But the dude would call me while he was driving home from work and be texting his ex wife and buddies and supposedly talking to me...well he was telling me what he was texing me. Not much of a conversation there.

First off, If you aren’t going to put some time into to having real conversation with me, “Don’t Call Me!”
Are you kidding me? Really? And oh, also I don’t consider long texting conversations real conversations either because then when the same person keeps texting me trying to have a in depth conversation and doesn’t pick up the phone and call at any point realizing that Hey, They have my full attention...I start thinking...hmmm...I wonder who he has on the phone who he is having that same imaginary conversation with while he texts me now?

Guys cannot multi task! And they will admit it wholeheartedly, but they seem to be the first to juggle multiple women trying to keep them all interested in them without actually putting any significant effort into any one of the lady's.

Now where was my point about this fruit cake not listening? Well I got to listen plenty about his texting, ex wife drama... to his constant sighs and yawns into the phone...which I now believe was nervous tick...like at the end of every sentence! Makes my skin crawl now! That is just not normal! It bugs me worse than a child chewing loudly in my ear now.

The not listening was him asking me all the time...so what is your schedule like this week?
Which being that we both have kids and parent time schedules we are juggling with, I totally get why he is asking. In fact I would even appreciate it but as I tell him my weeks plan (remember he asked) I get the feeling that he is like a cat on a window sill watching a bird fly by...totally forgetting his toy mouse that had his attention previously. At that point I would rather be the bird than something to toy with so I can fly away!

So After I explain my week in a few short sentences and then state "so that means I am available Wednesday night and over the weekend." He then says, “Well maybe we can get together!" Then he rushes on to say “I have so much to do, I better get going!” Oh, and it is followed by a “I’ll talk at ya later!” Since I can tell he is a burning the candle at both ends and including all his limbs type of guy. I say goodbye and then I pretty much write it off.
Whatever! Maybe we can get together?

No kudos for him being vague and unable to commit to scheduling time to see me. What about that subtly is going to make me feel it is even worth while to spend time with him? He didn't make me feel worthwhile, and really I am not desperate for his validation.

Then I go through my whole week never hear from him (really I am not mourning this by any means) only to have him call me bright Monday morning asking me when I wont have my kids. Well I didn’t have them all weekend. “What he says?” “Why didn’t you tell me I could have seen you?” Then I am thinking...“Well, the fact is, I did!” Are you kidding me?

If you aren’t going to listen please do not ask! Seriously, this guy is the first man I can really call a fruit cake. It could have something to do with him having the word “Berry” in his name though. I have so much more to say about fruit cake later.

Just so you know I rarely call guys. I will return calls and maybe text a “hope you are having a great day” if I talk to them frequently, but I am not going to be chasing them down, especially to see if they really meant that we might go out. I have done it once before and got burned. That is another story though. :)
I also probably don’t do it because if they are vague and throw things out there that way then I have a sense that they want to be wanted and chased after, it is like it feeds their ego on some level.

There are good ways to feed a mans ego and there are bead ways...If I am in a relationship with a guy, then it is different. I will call whenever I want and when it is appropriate. But I want to be wanted as well, and a guy either wants to spend time with you or he doesn’t. You aren’t convincing him of anything so I let him take the lead here.

The only draw back here with my mentality is that with so many woman chasing men I think the men have gotten a bit lazy and so they seem to except the ladies to make all the effort. I don’t want a lazy man that makes me do all the work in a relationship so why would I want this if I am only just dating someone? Just a thought! :)

On A Day Like Today

May 11, 2010
On a Day like Today!

It is ridicules that I have to do this exercise…but perhaps very necessary. I am sure this will not be the first time...

When the place you work at has been playing country music all day, and country music is what your ex always listened too...better yet he had many songs for the two of you... I discovered that I get this feeling of absolute panic now when I hear Sugarland, Keith Urban makes me feel desperately lonely, Dierks Bentley makes me reminisce and then I want to really burst into tears of heartache when I hear Gary Allen. There was a whole CD of Gary Allen, so he will never be safe!

I have never wanted my work day to end as desperately before as I wanted it to today!

It is as though the universe is constantly toying with me...then it decided to go a step further...I end up in a phone conversation with my ex boyfriends mother who said she needed some information. Sweetest lady in the world but it amazes me how one phone conversation can alter my state of mind and throw off my whole emotional well being within minuets...which can last for up to three days typically.

It has been nearly five months for goodness sakes! Why is he telling his mother he misses me (just so she tells me I am sure) when he is dating someone else? She said it wasn’t serious with the lady two sentences after she told me he wants to break up with her.

Well how the hell is it that you have to break up with someone who you aren’t serious with??? Well obviously he is sleeping with her...she wants to marry him I am being told, which of course is why he now wants to break up...Isn’t that why he broke up with me...Because after three years I wanted it to go somewhere?

Never mind the fact I had invested my whole heart and soul into the relationship. I mean really! It is sort of what people want at some point if they are looking for or thought they were in a monogamous loving relationship and have given so much of their time/life to make it work.

As I was told so rudely by someone lately “You’re not getting any younger!” This someone had their own agenda and it really didn’t work for me so it was just a last resort attempt to try to manipulate me into doing things his way. I was only a little offended...Grain of salt and all, you know. I mean he wanted me and I didn’t want him so why be too insulted? ;^)

You see it is true, I am not getting any younger but that doesn’t mean I want to waste my time dating men or a man who are a...well...waste of my time. If there are even just two...no, one of those "Red Flags" it is enough for me at this point to turn and run!

Okay back to my exercise. I am lonely and at times I miss so many things about being in Love...even being with him, but there cannot be any turning back. He sealed the deal there...but really, there are so many good things about my being single now and this is the Point, I need to remind myself of that.. LIKE RIGHT NOW!

The Best things about being a Single Lady!

*I dance because no one is looking...whenever I want, as silly or even as sexy as I want. Oh and I love to dance, used to be very good at it when I was quite young. Seriously been thinking about learning Belly dancing...

*I can listen to what ever music suites my mood at the time (I like a variety of different types) and am not stuck listening to only what he likes (unless they play it over the intercom at work :^P). So If am angry, it is angry bitter music. If I am happy it is happy music, sad then...well you get the point.

*After three years of watching the Military Channel and almost never seeing my shows I can finally get back to watching HGTV again...I’m not kidding here. Is being in a relationship mean you have to watch only what the man wants because he is the man?

*I can now watch chick flicks and old movies to my hearts content. Just have to be careful because the romantic ones still make me cry, trying for more comedy here of late.
Does anyone have some suggestions on some good ones?

*I don’t have to answer to or feel guilty when I by a new pair of shoes or an outfit...or buying anything for that matter. I am not one of those big shoppers...in fact I hate to shop (unless I am with someone who enjoys being with me while I do) but when I do I always get really nice things. Looking good is important even if you are a Single Lady...maybe more so.

*Exercise is only for me and how I personally want to look now. There is no need to measure myself against the other girls he stares at anymore. I can love my tiny waist and curvy other parts and feel like a woman because I have hips...It is not like I can change my frame and have a boys figure, no backside and big unnatural boobs anyway. If someone loves you they shouldn’t make you feel inadequate like that by leering at other woman.

*I bought a TV for my room! I just had to say it!!! It is a cute little flat screen I had mounted on the wall. It is for the Old Movies, HGTV and Chick Flicks and my favorite Dramas or Action movies...My point? I didn’t have to ask permission for this indulgence or justify it. I don’t watch TV much but it is there now when I get bored or lonely. It is also fun to cuddle up and watch a movie with my kids on the Weekend. Now I am thinking about getting a bigger version for the family room...someday maybe.

*Decorating is one of my loves and now I can paint my place any way I want! I can put pictures of high heels in the bathroom, have zebra print towels, red appliances...I can even have a pink room if I want...not that I would want too but touches of pink in the accents can be nice sometimes. In fact if I wanted I could suck every last ounce of testosterone out of my environment with just my decorating. I do have a son that has to live here so maybe not that extreme...but I do day dream about it sometimes! :^)

*I can eat more organic and natural foods again. Which I know can be expensive. I can’t do it all the time or with everything but eating healthier is important so I try...you cannot put a price on good health. I will never have to make spaghetti again for the rest of my life if I chose to, or ever again only buy what I know HE likes and approves of as a meal, even when I think it is too full of unhealthy carbohydrates and or lacks proper nutrition. No more iceberg lettuce and ranch dressing in my house! :^D
I can have my spinach salad with nuts and fruit and cheeses with fine vinaigrette dressing…speaking of that... on a side note.

I meet a guy recently…a huge,(he was huge, or so he claimed)total jerk who got mad when his (now ex) wife bought healthier but slightly more expensive lunch meats. He was so upset with her (claimed she broke the budget with these lunch meats)he insisted he do all the grocery shopping and she wasn’t allowed to go unless he went too. If she is the one cooking and feeding the kids...what the hell??? No, this was not the they did it Together situation! He controlled everything and now wonders why she “lost her mind” and "wanted a divorce." He also didn’t understand why I didn’t side with his take on the situation. Maybe because he bragged about how he could spend thousands and thousands of dollars a year on recreational items and expensive vacations for himself, while she had to eat and feed their kids cheaply. Yeah....if a relationship is so controlling that you cannot buy a healthier choice now and then, why would I want that???

I am not raising my kids on Ramen Noodles and Macaroni and Cheese just because it is cheaper! Isn’t it my job to help them be healthy so they can be fully functioning children and grow in to healthy functioning adults?

Okay...I am almost done. I am sure in time I can come up with more but this is what I needed to get through On A Day Like Today.

*My Dreams can be my own. No more do I have to shove them aside for another person’s agenda when they aren’t willing to compromise enough to help me fit my dreams into theirs. It isn’t like I want anything difficult or unreal. Maybe I am just a bit more ambitious than some woman. I love romance and being in love and am very sacrificing when I love someone, but I still want my own identity. I have been with and meet too many men who want my identity to be solely wrapped up in them. Why should it? They don’t give up their identity or their dreams to be wrapped around my little finger or to give up their world.

So what is it my dreams are made of? Well mainly they have to do with where I want my carrier to go and what I want to do for my children, as well as the stability I want for both. More about who I am trying to become as a person than anything. Not a big deal! It isn’t like I am saying “Honey I want to be a hooker…can you be good with that? Other than that we can we have a normal life?” Hello!!! I just want to be with someone who can be encouraging and supportive like I have been to them...someone who doesn’t tell me when I am working successfully at my carrier and am very good at it that they can’t marry me until I go get a “Real Job.”

I'm my opinion a real Job is something that is real to you! Your the one working it! How real does it have to be to others? I mean if your making money doing it....Just saying!