So today I put a lot of thought into relationships. I am not sure it got me to any definite conclusions, but at least it was a good exercise in awareness.
So without giving too much information… I was asked by my girlfriend to “come get her” and if she could stay with me.
I have known it was coming for a while…her leaving her husband that is. She has a plan that wasn’t supposed to play out for a few months. Sometimes it gets so bad though that she will call me in desperation to come get her. As it usually turns out she ends up not leaving him.
I drove fifty minutes to her place and had to wait over thirty for her to show up. She gave me money for gas and told me not yet…..I didn’t want to leave her, but what could I do?
What is the deal with people?! Why do they treat each other so bad?! Being alone can be so hard sometimes…is it really that tough to treat your significant other with kindness? Why do people in relationships take so much for granted?
It is my instinct to say why do guys do this? My personal experience is mainly with men who are the jerks. I would say there are a few of my best girls who are on the same page as me too. I know it isn’t just men, but being that my seeing is through a Lady’s eyes I apologize if I seem biased in my writing today.
So this guy, my best girl’s husband I will call Edgar. I call him that because of that “Men in Black” movie. You know the alien living inside an Edgar suit as he is referred to by Will Smith in the movie.
So Edgar appears to others to be this nice sort of bigger dude. He isn’t bad looking I am sure, but to me he is hideous. This guy tries to control who she sees, who she talks too, how she spends money, her son and pretty much everything else you can think of. He won’t let her have a phone and constantly takes her wallet. He rarely will let her call her family and girlfriends…he absolutely hates me becuase I respond to her cries for help. My being there and her not coming after she called me only makes this worse.
He is so mean all the time. He is even unkind when she is sick. He emotionally tortures her. He gets mad when she is in the bathroom to long or too often. He will throw her drinks out the window or spit in it to make a point. The point I think being is just to make her life hell!
I think he is an insecure boy who never grew up and wants her constant attention and devotion although he isn’t willing to give her his devotion on any level.
That doesn’t even describe the manipulative mind games he plays to mess with her head. It is all about power and all about control. But she saw very little of this in during the courtship.
People call this kind of individual sick. They are the one who plead mental incompetence when they get in legal trouble...yet they are clever enough (until exposed)to hide their inner monster from everyone else. As long as they don't let anyone to close..no one is the wiser.
On some very similar levels I experienced this with my ex husband and my ex boyfriend so I get how damaging it is to a woman psyche. People want to know why you don't just walk away.
Relationships are investments and it is so painful to put your heart and soul into a relationship thinking you really know someone…only to find out…you had no idea who they were and what they were really capable of. We live in denial sometimes even after we leave them.
I guess that means that all those little red flags are a big deal. This "Seeing Single Lady" is now so much more committed to being extremely observant in my dating life so that I do not miss those. I think so much of my own heartaches would have been lessened if I had taken a more cautious approach.
So many of us just go with the flow putting our trust in someone way too soon when we are dating. When someone is in a big hurry to go somewhere with a dating relationship that is a "Big red flag." They want to get you tied in emotionally before you even get what they are all about…"RUN" from that people!
After today I am now much more committed to watching out for those aliens walking around in Edgar suits…..
And don't forget, you can use "Red Flag" in your everyday conversations, as you're getting to know people. :}
ReplyDeleteMy best advice to anyone looking for a committed relationship is that you should be up front and open and honest right from the start. Of course, it's hard to know if the other person is being honest or not, but in my own experience that was the only thing that worked. The sooner you admit everything you are thinking the sooner you figure out if you and whoever you're talking to are going to "work."
You should never be afraid of being yourself, because it's 'yourself' that you want people to see so you can find out if it is you who they really want to be with, not just how you look or who they THINK you are.
I have always been honest whenever I meet someone and am getting to know them. Many of them are not with me or themselves and seem to suffer from hearing what they want to at times too I think. :)
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