Red Flag! He doesn’t really listen…part 1

Now I cannot make any of my Red Flags #1 on my list because I think that it depends on the individual. Some Red Flags are bright fiery red and you know “You Are Getting Burned Girl!” Then others may just be a blush of pink with a slow spreading red stain the more you spend time interacting with the individual.

Listening happens to be a big on my list. See I know men know we are listening…they even use our listening to their advantage at times sending us subtle messages that we know link up to bigger things...but if I go there I will be making this complicated and I am getting a little off course here. Maybe I will come back to this sometime.


So you know they aren’t listening when you are on the phone with them and they keep saying hold on a second, and then you hear the sound of rattling static in your ear. “Sorry” they apologize a few seconds later. “I had to send off a text.” Okay so maybe once in a while...like four times a month this may not bother me. But the dude would call me while he was driving home from work and be texting his ex wife and buddies and supposedly talking to me...well he was telling me what he was texing me. Not much of a conversation there.

First off, If you aren’t going to put some time into to having real conversation with me, “Don’t Call Me!”
Are you kidding me? Really? And oh, also I don’t consider long texting conversations real conversations either because then when the same person keeps texting me trying to have a in depth conversation and doesn’t pick up the phone and call at any point realizing that Hey, They have my full attention...I start thinking...hmmm...I wonder who he has on the phone who he is having that same imaginary conversation with while he texts me now?

Guys cannot multi task! And they will admit it wholeheartedly, but they seem to be the first to juggle multiple women trying to keep them all interested in them without actually putting any significant effort into any one of the lady's.

Now where was my point about this fruit cake not listening? Well I got to listen plenty about his texting, ex wife drama... to his constant sighs and yawns into the phone...which I now believe was nervous tick...like at the end of every sentence! Makes my skin crawl now! That is just not normal! It bugs me worse than a child chewing loudly in my ear now.

The not listening was him asking me all the time...so what is your schedule like this week?
Which being that we both have kids and parent time schedules we are juggling with, I totally get why he is asking. In fact I would even appreciate it but as I tell him my weeks plan (remember he asked) I get the feeling that he is like a cat on a window sill watching a bird fly by...totally forgetting his toy mouse that had his attention previously. At that point I would rather be the bird than something to toy with so I can fly away!

So After I explain my week in a few short sentences and then state "so that means I am available Wednesday night and over the weekend." He then says, “Well maybe we can get together!" Then he rushes on to say “I have so much to do, I better get going!” Oh, and it is followed by a “I’ll talk at ya later!” Since I can tell he is a burning the candle at both ends and including all his limbs type of guy. I say goodbye and then I pretty much write it off.
Whatever! Maybe we can get together?

No kudos for him being vague and unable to commit to scheduling time to see me. What about that subtly is going to make me feel it is even worth while to spend time with him? He didn't make me feel worthwhile, and really I am not desperate for his validation.

Then I go through my whole week never hear from him (really I am not mourning this by any means) only to have him call me bright Monday morning asking me when I wont have my kids. Well I didn’t have them all weekend. “What he says?” “Why didn’t you tell me I could have seen you?” Then I am thinking...“Well, the fact is, I did!” Are you kidding me?

If you aren’t going to listen please do not ask! Seriously, this guy is the first man I can really call a fruit cake. It could have something to do with him having the word “Berry” in his name though. I have so much more to say about fruit cake later.

Just so you know I rarely call guys. I will return calls and maybe text a “hope you are having a great day” if I talk to them frequently, but I am not going to be chasing them down, especially to see if they really meant that we might go out. I have done it once before and got burned. That is another story though. :)
I also probably don’t do it because if they are vague and throw things out there that way then I have a sense that they want to be wanted and chased after, it is like it feeds their ego on some level.

There are good ways to feed a mans ego and there are bead ways...If I am in a relationship with a guy, then it is different. I will call whenever I want and when it is appropriate. But I want to be wanted as well, and a guy either wants to spend time with you or he doesn’t. You aren’t convincing him of anything so I let him take the lead here.

The only draw back here with my mentality is that with so many woman chasing men I think the men have gotten a bit lazy and so they seem to except the ladies to make all the effort. I don’t want a lazy man that makes me do all the work in a relationship so why would I want this if I am only just dating someone? Just a thought! :)