Mail Order Man

So this subject has been on my mind a lot lately...especially since it grazes over some of the subjects and conversations I have been having with some of my male facebook fans.

I am sure there is more to say on the subject than I will even remember to cover at the moment but I can always add more at a later date if needed.

I don’t know about you but if you are single especially single again; you probably hear a lot of suggestions of what you should look for...mixed in as well are your own ideas about what you think you want.

What used to be a trip to the ice cream store to taste all the different flavors becomes a long fruitless shopping trip for that one perfect item. The item that will change your whole world and outlook on life...it will define you perfectly…it has to be the right, size, fit, color, style, price, length...well it has to be perfect, or your not taking it home...let alone be wearing it around your friends, family and colleges.

Yeah, Sorry to say but sometimes it seems like looking for the perfect partner is like big shopping trip.

I mean really...you’ve seen them! The lists! I want tall dark and handsome and around age 40 so he is just older than me. He has to make a lot of money and he can’t have kids or be divorced...or...and the list goes on forever.

I am not saying you cannot have a list. I am a bit of a fan of the Law of Attraction and for that to work you have to be positive and you have to be clear on what you want but there is reality too you know.

Yes! I realize everyone’s reality is a little different.

There is the reality of those standing on the outside. You know friends and parents most of which are already in a relationship and haven’t a clue what it is like out there in that black hole of a dating abyss.

They are like...”what you need to do is find a nice man who is fairly young and a window, so you know his marriage didn’t end because he was messing around...someone who is of the same faith, financially established and doesn’t expect you to have any more kids”...on and on they go. Yeah, well that has its own set of problems just so you know.

What do I think is the reality? First off...just to clarify I am no expert on anything but my own life’s experience but in years of reading about relationships, men, woman and psychology and of course having my own experiences with men and or observing those around me, here is what I think is a problem.

We think we can just order what we want out of a catalog! Hello! Can’t you see that???

I do not care if people say you can order what you wish out of the universe by using the Law of Attraction or pray for that perfect mate because, First off what you think may be best for you probably isn’t. You are going to make what you want in your mate too perfect and too comfortable...a perfect fairytale and that my friend wont challenge you enough in life to help you grow into your best self.

I believe that if you cannot be stimulated to grow you are not going to be motivated to find your life’s purpose, and I am not sure you can be really happy without purpose. I know I sure can’t.

Second of all how boring is that? You really want someone so predictable that you have them pegged down to the letter? They fit your whole list so...OMG! What happens if one day they display a totally different characteristic than you had on your list? Something you never wanted or ever asked for? Are they a traitor? Wait! Wait! I know it has been over 30 days but can I please return this????

Third point is that these are people we are talking about. People aren’t perfect! This world is not perfect because it is full of people! Duh!
Also where is the intimacy? I mean mental and emotional intimacy! Sure people think they are intimate because they are physically and sexually involved but that isn’t what defines real intimacy. Intimacy is an almost tangible bond, a deeper soul reaching connection with someone.
We always think that is what we want in our relationships and then do everything in our power to find reasons to push people away so that we never can have it. Then we wonder why we don’t have it...

You cannot have intimacy if you only look at people in the superficial terms of “what do I get out of this?” We are robbing ourselves of truly feeling and living life and feeling happiness by looking at other so mechanically.
“Point Blank” we are setting ourselves up for disappointment by trying to create our perfect person. No wonder people are now looking for the robot of the future to be their companion. Ridiculous! But I am serious! There are people out there who want that. They are lonely but what are they doing about it? You don’t change the people around you; you change how you see them. We think that unless we find that perfect person we will never be happy!

I think a lot of people will be miserable forever because they are waiting for the perfect partner, the perfect life and the perfect situation.

Have you ever noticed that people who will tell you that you have to love yourself first and make yourself happy are also the first people to tell you when you start dating someone (who of course isn’t perfect) “You deserve better.” “He isn’t good enough for you.” Based on what though? I am not saying that Deal Breakers don’t matter and not to look for Red Flags! That is still something I am big on.


Think about it though...

You may be giving up some really good things just because someone may have a few less desirable traits...traits that often are not even that big of a deal in the big picture...traits that only keep you from being close and happy with someone because you let them.

I mean really...

What if you are head over heals in love with each other? Are you going to throw that away becuase of human differences between you both or use it as a motivator to grow and refine yourself.

Maybe the man watches too much T.V at night even though that same man may work harder during the day than any other man on the block.

Maybe the girl isn’t the height, weight and coloring you prefer but she is sweet and faithful.

Maybe they get irritable when they are hungry or things aren’t happening fast enough but they never are abusive or angry about it. There is going to be tension at times.

Look for the good then make sure to appreciate that good and you will attract more of it. You also have to be the positive force for good you want to attract.

We would never grow if it was all perfect, and I am pretty certain we will be waiting forever for perfect.

This is about creating it the best way you can....and only you can. You are the only one that you can really create, and that has more power to change your relationships than you know. Sometimes it just means letting go of things you cannot change and looking for the positives. I think if we all took 100% responsibility for the outcome of our lives we could be freeing our self's from those big unrealistic expectations.

Sweet Dreams!
Seeing Single Lady